Thursday, January 07, 2016


Are you tired of living? Some days, do you feel that you just cannot go on?

Well, perhaps the real problem is that you are just tired of picking up your toothbrush every morning. Picking it up from some dirty old cup or disgusting communal toothbrush holder, from some grotesque, nightmarish object of paste-covered grime and filth that fills you with immoveable dread. From some sad Auntie's ceramic Christmas present that she learned to make at Craft Group or from an allegedly "stainless" steel holder from Guangzhou that holds more dirty brown microbes than you could ever possibly point a stick at. Two sticks, even.

Perhaps you subconsciously wish, in those vivid, early morning dreams, for a simple, individual, tidy and elegant little toothbrush holder, as happy and clean as a dental nurse on her summer holidays. A holder that you can just clip your toothbrush into when done and have those sanitary concerns vanish as if on a zephyr breeze.

Well, now you can!

Next time you are out in the street and see an electrician, or indeed any tradesman for that matter, stop him and ask him about those little stick-on clips they use to hold television antenna cables in place on skirting boards. Most likely, he will pull a dozen or so of them from the pockets of his King Gee workwear and hand them to you on spec. Failing that, go down to Bummings, and spend hours wandering cavernous warehouse aisles in the forlorn hope of ever finding that one, single cheap item so you desperately need so you can finally queue up for the eventual privilege of paying for it. Then walk out into the blinding sunshine, buy a sausage in a bun for no good reason at all, and spill the tomato sauce over your shirt as you try to wrestle a loose shopping trolley away from your door so you can clamber into your car.

Secure the clip to a ceramic tile, preferably over the basin, or in the shower if that's the way you roll. This way, once you rinse your toothbrush and press it back into place with a satisfying *snap* when done brushing those pearly whites, any watery residue ends up down the fucking drain, where it belongs, and not in the bottom of a cup, and the toothbrush stays nice and clean and dry, rather than lying sideways in a pool of it's own juices like some fourteenth-floor suicide.

For more Handy Household Hints, or to receive a free sample toothbrush holder, just send a stamped, self-addressed envelope to:

Mark's Handy Household Hints
Harden Close Jabiru NT 0886

Remember to include a few unmarked fifties.